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Men are often (though not always) the pursuers for sex, just like women are often (though not always) the pursuers for conversation.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
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More quotes by Harriet Lerner

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Women ... have long been discouraged from the awareness and forthright expression of anger. Sugar and spice are the ingredients from which we are made. We are the nurturers, the soothers, the peacemakers, and the steadiers of rocked boats.
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Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to stop trying to be helpful.
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We will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can't be in good communication with the enemy.
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Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.
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Differences don’t just threaten and divide us. They also inform, enrich, and enliven us.
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Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self.
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Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.
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The miracle is that your children will love you with all your imperfections if you can do the same for them.
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There are some things for which there is no apology, and on the question of slavery, there is no adequate apology for ripping people out of their homeland and bringing them here in chains. There is no adequate apology for the ongoing horrific legacy of racism.
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We all fear change, even as we seek it.
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Those of us who are locked into ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those of us who dare not get angry at all.
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It's a cliché, but also a deep truth (as cliché's tend to be), that you can't love another person very well if you don't love yourself.
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Many people value criticism in the early stage of a relationship, but become allergic to it over time. Remember this: No one can survive in a marriage (at least not happily) if they feel more judged than admired. Your partner won't make use of your constructive criticism if there's not a surrounding climate of admiration and respect.
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Intensity is not the same as intimacy, although we tend to confuse these two words.
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No book or expert can protect us from the range of painful emotions that make us human.
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It is not fear that stops you from doing the brave and true thing in your daily life. Rather, the problem is avoidance. You want to feel comfortable so you avoid doing or saying the thing that will evoke fear and other difficult emotions. Avoidance will make you feel less vulnerable in the short run but, it will never make you less afraid.
Harriet Lerner
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Women are raised to be the nurturers and steadiers of rocked boats, to hold relationships in place as if our lives depended on it. But it shores up your own dignity and integrity if you're able to say, There are a million things I love about you, and I want our relationship to continue. I forgive you 95 percent, but not this 5 percent.
Harriet Lerner
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The strongest relationships are between two people who can live without each other but don't want to.
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If what we are doing with our anger is not achieving the desired result, it would seem logical to try something different.
Harriet Lerner
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If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.
Harriet Lerner