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Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
Important
Life
Adults
Along
Kids
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More quotes by Harriet Lerner

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The miracle is that your children will love you with all your imperfections if you can do the same for them.
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the body, seeking truth, sends a signal. But decoding it, interpreting its meaning, and knowing how to proceed from there is another matter entirely.
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The first world we find ourselves in is a family that is not of our choosing.
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The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.
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Every time I open Facebook, I see a post with something like, We must forgive or be prisoners of our own bitterness and hate. People think that forgiveness is all-or-nothing, but this myth hurts people. You can forgive 10, 97, or 14 percent. Forgiveness is complicated.
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As many have observed, it is easy to tell a lie, but it is almost impossible to tell only one.
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Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold of deafness.
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Intensity is not the same as intimacy, although we tend to confuse these two words.
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Men are often (though not always) the pursuers for sex, just like women are often (though not always) the pursuers for conversation.
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No book or expert can protect us from the range of painful emotions that make us human.
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Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.
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I'm a good example of wanting to apologize only for my precise share of a problem--as I calculate it, of course--and I expect my husband Steve to apologize for his share, also as I calculate it. Since we're not always of one mind on the math, it can lead to the theater of the absurd.
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Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.
Harriet Lerner
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Through words we come to know the other person--and to be known. This knowing is at the heart of our deepest longings for intimacy and connection with others. How relationships unfold with the most important people in our lives depends on courage and clarity in finding voice.
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It's a cliché, but also a deep truth (as cliché's tend to be), that you can't love another person very well if you don't love yourself.
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It is not fear that stops you from doing the brave and true thing in your daily life. Rather, the problem is avoidance. You want to feel comfortable so you avoid doing or saying the thing that will evoke fear and other difficult emotions. Avoidance will make you feel less vulnerable in the short run but, it will never make you less afraid.
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Women ... have long been discouraged from the awareness and forthright expression of anger. Sugar and spice are the ingredients from which we are made. We are the nurturers, the soothers, the peacemakers, and the steadiers of rocked boats.
Harriet Lerner
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deception and 'con games' are a way of life in all species and throughout nature. Organisms that do not improve their ability to deceive - and to detect deception - are less apt to survive.
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Many people value criticism in the early stage of a relationship, but become allergic to it over time. Remember this: No one can survive in a marriage (at least not happily) if they feel more judged than admired. Your partner won't make use of your constructive criticism if there's not a surrounding climate of admiration and respect.
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Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to stop trying to be helpful.
Harriet Lerner