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Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold of deafness.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
Ensure
Respond
May
Persons
Person
Nothing
Deafness
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Threshold
Never
Exceed

More quotes by Harriet Lerner

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Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship.
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The strongest relationships are between two people who can live without each other but don't want to.
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If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.
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Relationships are most likely to fail when we don't address problems or hold our partner accountable for unfair or irresponsible behavior ... the ability to clarify our values, beliefs, and life goals--and then to keep our behavior congruent with them--is at the heart of a solid marriage.
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Men are often (though not always) the pursuers for sex, just like women are often (though not always) the pursuers for conversation.
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Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.
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Women are raised to be the nurturers and steadiers of rocked boats, to hold relationships in place as if our lives depended on it. But it shores up your own dignity and integrity if you're able to say, There are a million things I love about you, and I want our relationship to continue. I forgive you 95 percent, but not this 5 percent.
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deception and 'con games' are a way of life in all species and throughout nature. Organisms that do not improve their ability to deceive - and to detect deception - are less apt to survive.
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Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.
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Although it's not useful to drown in despair, it's also not useful to keep a 'positive attitude' when this means concealing or denying real emotions.
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I'm a good example of wanting to apologize only for my precise share of a problem--as I calculate it, of course--and I expect my husband Steve to apologize for his share, also as I calculate it. Since we're not always of one mind on the math, it can lead to the theater of the absurd.
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Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to stop trying to be helpful.
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The happiest people are focused on living their own life (not someone else's) as well as possible.
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You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate your relationship from your family and friends--and his.
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If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.
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Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.
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What initially attracts us and what later becomes 'the problem' are usually one and the same.
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the body, seeking truth, sends a signal. But decoding it, interpreting its meaning, and knowing how to proceed from there is another matter entirely.
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It is not fear that stops you from doing the brave and true thing in your daily life. Rather, the problem is avoidance. You want to feel comfortable so you avoid doing or saying the thing that will evoke fear and other difficult emotions. Avoidance will make you feel less vulnerable in the short run but, it will never make you less afraid.
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Wherever you find a wife and mother-in-law slugging it out, you'll find a son who's not speaking up to either his mother or his wife.
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