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Whole-hearted listening is the greatest spiritual gift you can give to the other person.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
Spiritual
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More quotes by Harriet Lerner

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No book or expert can protect us from the range of painful emotions that make us human.
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You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate your relationship from your family and friends--and his.
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Often when someone apologizes - like a parent who says to a child, I'm very sorry I neglected you when you were a kid - they also ask, Do you forgive me?, because they want the other person to be over it. However, healing can take a great deal of time. And if we forgive too quickly, we cut the process short.
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The happiest people are focused on living their own life (not someone else's) as well as possible.
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It is not fear that stops you from doing the brave and true thing in your daily life. Rather, the problem is avoidance. You want to feel comfortable so you avoid doing or saying the thing that will evoke fear and other difficult emotions. Avoidance will make you feel less vulnerable in the short run but, it will never make you less afraid.
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If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.
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Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to stop trying to be helpful.
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It's a cliché, but also a deep truth (as cliché's tend to be), that you can't love another person very well if you don't love yourself.
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Believing that all women should want to be mothers makes about as much sense as believing that all men should want to be engineers.
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The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.
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Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.
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Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship.
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As many have observed, it is easy to tell a lie, but it is almost impossible to tell only one.
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Women are raised to be the nurturers and steadiers of rocked boats, to hold relationships in place as if our lives depended on it. But it shores up your own dignity and integrity if you're able to say, There are a million things I love about you, and I want our relationship to continue. I forgive you 95 percent, but not this 5 percent.
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Wherever you find a wife and mother-in-law slugging it out, you'll find a son who's not speaking up to either his mother or his wife.
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If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.
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Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.
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the body, seeking truth, sends a signal. But decoding it, interpreting its meaning, and knowing how to proceed from there is another matter entirely.
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Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
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Differences don’t just threaten and divide us. They also inform, enrich, and enliven us.
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