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Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
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More quotes by Harriet Lerner

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Wherever you find a wife and mother-in-law slugging it out, you'll find a son who's not speaking up to either his mother or his wife.
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Every time I open Facebook, I see a post with something like, We must forgive or be prisoners of our own bitterness and hate. People think that forgiveness is all-or-nothing, but this myth hurts people. You can forgive 10, 97, or 14 percent. Forgiveness is complicated.
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The happiest people are focused on living their own life (not someone else's) as well as possible.
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Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.
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No book or expert can protect us from the range of painful emotions that make us human.
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Whole-hearted listening is the greatest spiritual gift you can give to the other person.
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We will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can't be in good communication with the enemy.
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It's a cliché, but also a deep truth (as cliché's tend to be), that you can't love another person very well if you don't love yourself.
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The strongest relationships are between two people who can live without each other but don't want to.
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Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
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Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.
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I'm a good example of wanting to apologize only for my precise share of a problem--as I calculate it, of course--and I expect my husband Steve to apologize for his share, also as I calculate it. Since we're not always of one mind on the math, it can lead to the theater of the absurd.
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Intensity is not the same as intimacy, although we tend to confuse these two words.
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deception and 'con games' are a way of life in all species and throughout nature. Organisms that do not improve their ability to deceive - and to detect deception - are less apt to survive.
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Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to stop trying to be helpful.
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As many have observed, it is easy to tell a lie, but it is almost impossible to tell only one.
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Those of us who are locked into ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those of us who dare not get angry at all.
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If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.
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Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self.
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The term girl not only serves to avoid certain anxiety-arousing connotations inherent in the word woman regarding aggression, sexuality, and reproduction, it also serves to impart a tone of frivolousness and lack of seriousness to ambitious, intellectual, and competitive striving that women may pursue.
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