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Those of us who are locked into ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those of us who dare not get angry at all.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
Deeply
Dare
Anger
Angry
Expression
Ineffective
Suffering
Expressions
Locked
Suffer

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Many people value criticism in the early stage of a relationship, but become allergic to it over time. Remember this: No one can survive in a marriage (at least not happily) if they feel more judged than admired. Your partner won't make use of your constructive criticism if there's not a surrounding climate of admiration and respect.
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The term girl not only serves to avoid certain anxiety-arousing connotations inherent in the word woman regarding aggression, sexuality, and reproduction, it also serves to impart a tone of frivolousness and lack of seriousness to ambitious, intellectual, and competitive striving that women may pursue.
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Whole-hearted listening is the greatest spiritual gift you can give to the other person.
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Anxiety is extremely contagious, but so is calm.
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Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship.
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Often when someone apologizes - like a parent who says to a child, I'm very sorry I neglected you when you were a kid - they also ask, Do you forgive me?, because they want the other person to be over it. However, healing can take a great deal of time. And if we forgive too quickly, we cut the process short.
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Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
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Men are often (though not always) the pursuers for sex, just like women are often (though not always) the pursuers for conversation.
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the body, seeking truth, sends a signal. But decoding it, interpreting its meaning, and knowing how to proceed from there is another matter entirely.
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The strongest relationships are between two people who can live without each other but don't want to.
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If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.
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If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.
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We all fear change, even as we seek it.
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Through words we come to know the other person--and to be known. This knowing is at the heart of our deepest longings for intimacy and connection with others. How relationships unfold with the most important people in our lives depends on courage and clarity in finding voice.
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Wherever you find a wife and mother-in-law slugging it out, you'll find a son who's not speaking up to either his mother or his wife.
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You can't evaluate a prospective partner if you insulate your relationship from your family and friends--and his.
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Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to stop trying to be helpful.
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Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.
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Relationships are most likely to fail when we don't address problems or hold our partner accountable for unfair or irresponsible behavior ... the ability to clarify our values, beliefs, and life goals--and then to keep our behavior congruent with them--is at the heart of a solid marriage.
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The miracle is that your children will love you with all your imperfections if you can do the same for them.
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