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Those of us who are locked into ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those of us who dare not get angry at all.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
Expression
Ineffective
Suffering
Expressions
Locked
Suffer
Deeply
Dare
Anger
Angry

More quotes by Harriet Lerner

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Women ... have long been discouraged from the awareness and forthright expression of anger. Sugar and spice are the ingredients from which we are made. We are the nurturers, the soothers, the peacemakers, and the steadiers of rocked boats.
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Intensity is not the same as intimacy, although we tend to confuse these two words.
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There are some things for which there is no apology, and on the question of slavery, there is no adequate apology for ripping people out of their homeland and bringing them here in chains. There is no adequate apology for the ongoing horrific legacy of racism.
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Women are raised to be the nurturers and steadiers of rocked boats, to hold relationships in place as if our lives depended on it. But it shores up your own dignity and integrity if you're able to say, There are a million things I love about you, and I want our relationship to continue. I forgive you 95 percent, but not this 5 percent.
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The happiest people are focused on living their own life (not someone else's) as well as possible.
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The miracle is that your children will love you with all your imperfections if you can do the same for them.
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Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold of deafness.
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Men are often (though not always) the pursuers for sex, just like women are often (though not always) the pursuers for conversation.
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Self-help books for women are part of a multibillion-dollar industry, sensitively attuned to our insecurities and our purses.
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The first world we find ourselves in is a family that is not of our choosing.
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I'm a good example of wanting to apologize only for my precise share of a problem--as I calculate it, of course--and I expect my husband Steve to apologize for his share, also as I calculate it. Since we're not always of one mind on the math, it can lead to the theater of the absurd.
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Through words we come to know the other person--and to be known. This knowing is at the heart of our deepest longings for intimacy and connection with others. How relationships unfold with the most important people in our lives depends on courage and clarity in finding voice.
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Whole-hearted listening is the greatest spiritual gift you can give to the other person.
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Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self.
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What initially attracts us and what later becomes 'the problem' are usually one and the same.
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The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.
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Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.
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Relationships are most likely to fail when we don't address problems or hold our partner accountable for unfair or irresponsible behavior ... the ability to clarify our values, beliefs, and life goals--and then to keep our behavior congruent with them--is at the heart of a solid marriage.
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As many have observed, it is easy to tell a lie, but it is almost impossible to tell only one.
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The strongest relationships are between two people who can live without each other but don't want to.
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