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Those of us who are locked into ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those of us who dare not get angry at all.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
Angry
Expression
Ineffective
Suffering
Expressions
Locked
Suffer
Deeply
Dare
Anger

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We all fear change, even as we seek it.
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What initially attracts us and what later becomes 'the problem' are usually one and the same.
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Intensity is not the same as intimacy, although we tend to confuse these two words.
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Wherever you find a wife and mother-in-law slugging it out, you'll find a son who's not speaking up to either his mother or his wife.
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Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.
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Through words we come to know the other person--and to be known. This knowing is at the heart of our deepest longings for intimacy and connection with others. How relationships unfold with the most important people in our lives depends on courage and clarity in finding voice.
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Women are raised to be the nurturers and steadiers of rocked boats, to hold relationships in place as if our lives depended on it. But it shores up your own dignity and integrity if you're able to say, There are a million things I love about you, and I want our relationship to continue. I forgive you 95 percent, but not this 5 percent.
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Many people value criticism in the early stage of a relationship, but become allergic to it over time. Remember this: No one can survive in a marriage (at least not happily) if they feel more judged than admired. Your partner won't make use of your constructive criticism if there's not a surrounding climate of admiration and respect.
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Men are often (though not always) the pursuers for sex, just like women are often (though not always) the pursuers for conversation.
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No book or expert can protect us from the range of painful emotions that make us human.
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The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.
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The strongest relationships are between two people who can live without each other but don't want to.
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Anxiety is extremely contagious, but so is calm.
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It's a cliché, but also a deep truth (as cliché's tend to be), that you can't love another person very well if you don't love yourself.
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Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.
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Differences don’t just threaten and divide us. They also inform, enrich, and enliven us.
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Women ... have long been discouraged from the awareness and forthright expression of anger. Sugar and spice are the ingredients from which we are made. We are the nurturers, the soothers, the peacemakers, and the steadiers of rocked boats.
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Self-help books for women are part of a multibillion-dollar industry, sensitively attuned to our insecurities and our purses.
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Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to stop trying to be helpful.
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If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.
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