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Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
Listening
Worth
Signal
Signals
Anger

More quotes by Harriet Lerner

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We all fear change, even as we seek it.
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The miracle is that your children will love you with all your imperfections if you can do the same for them.
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Relationships are most likely to fail when we don't address problems or hold our partner accountable for unfair or irresponsible behavior ... the ability to clarify our values, beliefs, and life goals--and then to keep our behavior congruent with them--is at the heart of a solid marriage.
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If what we are doing with our anger is not achieving the desired result, it would seem logical to try something different.
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Men are often (though not always) the pursuers for sex, just like women are often (though not always) the pursuers for conversation.
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Anxiety is extremely contagious, but so is calm.
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Many people value criticism in the early stage of a relationship, but become allergic to it over time. Remember this: No one can survive in a marriage (at least not happily) if they feel more judged than admired. Your partner won't make use of your constructive criticism if there's not a surrounding climate of admiration and respect.
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As many have observed, it is easy to tell a lie, but it is almost impossible to tell only one.
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If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.
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I'm a good example of wanting to apologize only for my precise share of a problem--as I calculate it, of course--and I expect my husband Steve to apologize for his share, also as I calculate it. Since we're not always of one mind on the math, it can lead to the theater of the absurd.
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Intensity is not the same as intimacy, although we tend to confuse these two words.
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Every time I open Facebook, I see a post with something like, We must forgive or be prisoners of our own bitterness and hate. People think that forgiveness is all-or-nothing, but this myth hurts people. You can forgive 10, 97, or 14 percent. Forgiveness is complicated.
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Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.
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Wherever you find a wife and mother-in-law slugging it out, you'll find a son who's not speaking up to either his mother or his wife.
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The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.
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Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
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Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.
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There are some things for which there is no apology, and on the question of slavery, there is no adequate apology for ripping people out of their homeland and bringing them here in chains. There is no adequate apology for the ongoing horrific legacy of racism.
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We will be in tune with our bodies only if we truly love and honor them. We can't be in good communication with the enemy.
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Whole-hearted listening is the greatest spiritual gift you can give to the other person.
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