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Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.

Harriet Lerner

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Harriet Lerner
Worth
Signal
Signals
Anger
Listening

More quotes by Harriet Lerner

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I'm a good example of wanting to apologize only for my precise share of a problem--as I calculate it, of course--and I expect my husband Steve to apologize for his share, also as I calculate it. Since we're not always of one mind on the math, it can lead to the theater of the absurd.
Harriet Lerner
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If you pursue a distancer, he or she will distance more. Consider it a fundamental law of physics.
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Silence can pose a greater threat than the difficult truth.
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Being who we are requires that we can talk openly about things that are important to us, that we take a clear position on where we stand on important emotional issues, and that we clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to us in a relationship.
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Although it's not useful to drown in despair, it's also not useful to keep a 'positive attitude' when this means concealing or denying real emotions.
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The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself.
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Self-help books for women are part of a multibillion-dollar industry, sensitively attuned to our insecurities and our purses.
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The happiest people are focused on living their own life (not someone else's) as well as possible.
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Men are often (though not always) the pursuers for sex, just like women are often (though not always) the pursuers for conversation.
Harriet Lerner
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If what we are doing with our anger is not achieving the desired result, it would seem logical to try something different.
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Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to stop trying to be helpful.
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No book or expert can protect us from the range of painful emotions that make us human.
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Through words we come to know the other person--and to be known. This knowing is at the heart of our deepest longings for intimacy and connection with others. How relationships unfold with the most important people in our lives depends on courage and clarity in finding voice.
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Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along.
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The first world we find ourselves in is a family that is not of our choosing.
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If you want a recipe for relationship failure, just wait for the other person to change first.
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Intensity is not the same as intimacy, although we tend to confuse these two words.
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Every time I open Facebook, I see a post with something like, We must forgive or be prisoners of our own bitterness and hate. People think that forgiveness is all-or-nothing, but this myth hurts people. You can forgive 10, 97, or 14 percent. Forgiveness is complicated.
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the body, seeking truth, sends a signal. But decoding it, interpreting its meaning, and knowing how to proceed from there is another matter entirely.
Harriet Lerner
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deception and 'con games' are a way of life in all species and throughout nature. Organisms that do not improve their ability to deceive - and to detect deception - are less apt to survive.
Harriet Lerner