Quote

My nephew's always crying. I'm like, 'Dude, why are you crying? Your life is great. All you do is eat apple sauce and take dumps. That's your day.

Hannibal Buress

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Hannibal Buress
Age: 41
Born: 1983
Born: February 4
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Chicago
Illinois
Hannibal Amir Buress
Cry
Dumps
Take
Nephew
Great
Dump
Always
Dude
Life
Sauce
Like
Apple
Crying
Apples

More quotes by Hannibal Buress

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I like showing different types of comedy - showing that I could tell a story, or showing that I could do a one-liner, showing I could do stuff about music - so just trying to be versatile and talking about different topics.
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Social media is interesting. It helps me connect with fans. It's immediate. It's a big part of my touring business - getting the word out via Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.
Hannibal Buress
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There have been times I've been out, and my phone battery is at nine percent, and I was like, 'Time to go home.'
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I didn't really get into comedy until a couple months before I started doing comedy.
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When people go through something rough in life, they say, I'm taking it one day at a time. Yes, so is everybody. Because that's how time works.
Hannibal Buress
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People like to compare something to something that they know. Even with Chris Rock, they say he's like Richard Pryor or Eddie Murphy.
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I'm not like a super duper sneaker head. I got a couple pairs, but I'm not a stand in line for sneakers type of dude.
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I love stand-up. I look at it as a way to always stay productive. I couldn't imagine only being an actor or a writer. Because what the hell do I do when I'm not working? Mope?
Hannibal Buress
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There's no room for failure performing [stand-up] for a black audience. If you don't get them right away it's tough winning them back even if you're doing top-notch material. If you didn't win them right when you walked out there, it's tough.
Hannibal Buress
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I feel like comedy is doing well right now because there's so many avenues to be seen. Whether it's through the Internet with social media or web videos and now there's so many networks and TV shows.
Hannibal Buress
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I want to just at least make it weird for you to watch Cosby Show reruns.
Hannibal Buress
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I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant...because I believe in myself.
Hannibal Buress
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There's a lot of dudes in my neighborhood that have handlebar mustaches. Which is cool if you want to have a handlebar mustache but don't try to have a conversation with me like you don't have a handlebar mustache.
Hannibal Buress
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I don't like when people say, 'I'll pray for you. I'm going to pray for you. Praying for you.' You're going to pray for me? So you're going to sit at home and do nothing? 'Cause that's what your prayers are you doing nothing while I struggle with a situation. Don't pray for me - make me a sandwich or something.
Hannibal Buress
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We'll keep you in our thoughts With the other bullshit in your heads? No, keep me out of your thoughts, because I hear some of the stuff you talk about and if that's close to what you're thinking about, I don't want to be around that, so keep me and my family out of your thoughts, unless you're thinking of making me a sandwich.
Hannibal Buress
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I have weird aspirations. Like, I really want to kick a pigeon.
Hannibal Buress
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Acting is fun it's easier than writing, and if you get on a [TV] show, it draws people to your stand-up. That's ultimately what I'd like to do.
Hannibal Buress
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I play myself on everything I do.
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I like smoking at home. I like it to be one of the last things I do that day. I don't wake and bake at all I couldn't do that. If I'm waking and baking, then I'm staying inside my place the rest of the day. I can't start my day off high.
Hannibal Buress
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When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I'm the worst comedian ever.
Hannibal Buress