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Always remember this: If you don't attend the funerals of your friends, they will certainly not attend yours.
H. L. Mencken
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H. L. Mencken
Age: 75 †
Born: 1880
Born: September 12
Died: 1956
Died: January 29
Autobiographer
Essayist
Historian
Journalist
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Literary Critic
Satirist
Social Critic
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Baltimore
Maryland
Henry Louis Mencken
Funeral
Certainly
Age
Friends
Remember
Always
Funerals
Attend
More quotes by H. L. Mencken
I am one of the few goyim who have ever actually tackled the Talmud. I suppose you now expect me to add that it is a profound and noble work, worthy of hard study by all other goyims. Unhappily, my report must differ from this expectation. It seems to me, save for a few bright spots, to be quite indistinguishable from rubbish.
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Our literature, despite several false starts that promised much, is chiefly remarkable, now as always, for its respectable mediocrity.
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No one hates his job so heartily as a farmer.
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Save among politicians it is no longer necessary for any educated American to profess belief in Thirteenth Century ideas
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It is the mission of the pedagogue, not to make his pupils think, but to make them think right, and the more nearly his own mind pulsates with the great ebbs and flows of popular delusion and emotion, the more admirably he performs his function. He may be an ass, but that is surely no demerit in a man paid to make asses of his customers.
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The truth, indeed, is something that mankind, for some mysterious reason, instinctively dislikes. Every man who tries to tell it is unpopular, and even when, by the sheer strength of his case, he prevails, he is put down as a scoundrel.
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To every complex question there is a simple answer and it is wrong.
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If there were only three women left in the world, two of them would immediately convene a court-martial to try the other one.
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It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.
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Popularity--The capacity for listening sympathetically when men boast of their wives and women complain of their husbands.
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What fetched me instantly (and thousands of other newcomers with me) was the subtle but unmistakable sense of escape from the United States.
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The objection to Puritans is not that they try to make us think as they do, but that they try to make us do as they think.
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The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal.
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Absence is the dark-room in which lovers develop negatives.
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When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands.
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The essence of science is that it is always willing to abandon a given idea for a better one the essence of theology is that it holds its truths to be eternal and immutable.
H. L. Mencken
It is the fundamental theory of all the more recent American law...that the average citizen is half-witted, and hence not to be trusted to either his own devices or his own thoughts.
H. L. Mencken
Skin diseases are something doctors like, the patient neither dies nor gets well.
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He marries best who puts it off until it is too late.
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To the best of my knowledge and belief, the average American newspaper, even of the so-called better sort, is not only quite as bad as Upton Sinclair says it is, but 10 times worse
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