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Always remember this: If you don't attend the funerals of your friends, they will certainly not attend yours.
H. L. Mencken
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H. L. Mencken
Age: 75 †
Born: 1880
Born: September 12
Died: 1956
Died: January 29
Autobiographer
Essayist
Historian
Journalist
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Literary Critic
Satirist
Social Critic
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Baltimore
Maryland
Henry Louis Mencken
Remember
Always
Funerals
Attend
Funeral
Certainly
Age
Friends
More quotes by H. L. Mencken
A tin horn politician with the manner of a rural corn doctor and the mien of a ham actor
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There is something even more valuable to civilization than wisdom, and that is character.
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The objection to a Communist always resolves itself into the fact that he is not a gentleman.
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The believing mind is externally impervious to evidence. The most that can be accomplished with it is to induce it to substitute one delusion for another. It rejects all overt evidence as wicked.
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The physical business of writing is unpleasant to me, but the psychic satisfaction of discharging bad ideas in worse English makes me forget it.
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One seldom discovers a true believer that is worth knowing.
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The instant I reach Heaven, I'm going to speak to God very sharply.
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For me to go into politics would be like sending a virgin into a house of ill-repute.
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Law and its instrument, government, are necessary to the peace and safety of all of us, but all of us, unless we live the lives of mud turtles, frequently find them arrayed against us.
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Whenever I write anything that sets up controversy its meaning is distorted almost instantly. Even the editorial writers of newspapers seem to be unable to understand the plainest sentence.
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When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands.
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The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal.
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Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.
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The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist Jack.
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What is the professor's function? To pass on to numskulls a body of so-called knowledge that is fragmentary, unimportant, and largely untrue.
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Governments, whatever their pretensions otherwise, try to preserve themselves by holding the individual down ... Government itself, indeed, may be reasonably defined as a conspiracy against him. Its one permanent aim, whatever its form, is to hobble him sufficiently to maintain itself.
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Socialist: A man suffering from an overwhelming conviction to believe what is not true.
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All government, in its essence, is a conspiracy against the superior man: it's one permanent object is to oppress him and cripple him... One of its primary functions is to regiment men by force, to make them as much alike as possible and as dependent upon one another as possible, to search out and combat originality among them.
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The argument that capital punishment degrades the state is moonshine, for if that were true then it would degrade the state to send men to war... The state, in truth, is degraded in its very nature: a few butcheries cannot do it any further damage.
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The truth, indeed, is something that mankind, for some mysterious reason, instinctively dislikes. Every man who tries to tell it is unpopular, and even when, by the sheer strength of his case, he prevails, he is put down as a scoundrel.
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