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If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Calls
Tell
Men
Garbage

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Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket
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Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood
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Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.
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Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.
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Chico: Here's the book, it's a dollar Groucho: Here's a ten, and shoot the change. Chico: I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.
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I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed. Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true.
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The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You've Got It Made.
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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Blood's not thicker than money.
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Two women at a resort discussed dinner: The food here is lousy, the first noted. You're right! And such small portions!! the second added
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I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
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Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself
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There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
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Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
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It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
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I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
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Remember, the grass is always greener where you don't happen to be the neighbor.
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