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You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Shy
Lawyer

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.
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I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
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Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you. Firefly replies: Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.
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As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.
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A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.
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Time flies like an arrow fruit flies like a banana
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Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.
Groucho Marx
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman
Groucho Marx
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No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
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Only if the computers really love each other.
Groucho Marx
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Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.
Groucho Marx
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He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.
Groucho Marx
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It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa
Groucho Marx
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A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
Groucho Marx
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There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.
Groucho Marx