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Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Happiness
Money
Cannot
Might
Crack
Cracks
Wise
Doubt

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
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She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
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My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
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I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.
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Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.
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Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.
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How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.
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Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
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When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, I was just whispering in her mouth
Groucho Marx
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Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
Groucho Marx
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Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.
Groucho Marx
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Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.
Groucho Marx
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Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.
Groucho Marx
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
Groucho Marx
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If it gets any hotter in here I could use a big fan.
Groucho Marx
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Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?
Groucho Marx
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I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.
Groucho Marx
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx
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As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
Groucho Marx
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There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!
Groucho Marx