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I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Members
Accepting
Kind
Like
People
Accepts
Join
Club
Clubs
More quotes by Groucho Marx
John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, I was just whispering in her mouth
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I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove
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If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
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I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!
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Any place I hang my head is home.
Groucho Marx
I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me. What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself? Sure she could. I just found that out too late.
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She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.
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You're only as young as the woman you feel.
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Only if the computers really love each other.
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Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
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As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
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That's nothing - my alarm clock is set for eight.
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My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.
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This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.
Groucho Marx
A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.
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Women should be obscene, not heard.
Groucho Marx
Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself
Groucho Marx
Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?
Groucho Marx
