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I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Kind
Like
People
Accepts
Join
Club
Clubs
Members
Accepting

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Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy
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Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!
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TV is the rat race of the century.
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Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
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I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
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Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members.
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It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
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As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
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If you were a man, you'd go into business for yourself. I know a fellow who started out last year with just a canoe. Now he's got more women than you can shake a stick at, if that's your idea of a good time.
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Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
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I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up.
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Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life
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How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?
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Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.
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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
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I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills
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A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.
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Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
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You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.
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