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I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
People
Accepts
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Club
Clubs
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Accepting
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More quotes by Groucho Marx
You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?
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Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.
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A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.
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She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.
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I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.
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I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Groucho Marx
Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills.
Groucho Marx
I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.
Groucho Marx
If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.
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To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.
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You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.
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As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
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If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any.
Groucho Marx
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
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Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.
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Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!
Groucho Marx
He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.
Groucho Marx
TV is the rat race of the century.
Groucho Marx
Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.
Groucho Marx
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx
