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I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Accepting
Kind
Like
People
Accepts
Join
Club
Clubs
Members

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.
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I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
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Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
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My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.
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Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
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When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
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I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
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If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.
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I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.
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I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.
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Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.
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I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!
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I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing
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Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.
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Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.
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Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
Groucho Marx
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Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?
Groucho Marx