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I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
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More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.
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I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
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Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood
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When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
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I hate London when it's not raining.
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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
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I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy
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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
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You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.
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Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.
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The Arab and the camel are inseparable. It's been said that and Arab would give up his wife rather than give up his camel. Personally, I haven't got a camel, but I think it's a great idea.
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I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.
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I am a man and you are a woman. I can't think of a better arrangement.
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I cannot say that I don't disagree with you.
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I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.
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Chico: Here's the book, it's a dollar Groucho: Here's a ten, and shoot the change. Chico: I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.
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That's bad luck: three on a midget. From At The Circus
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Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.
Groucho Marx