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Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Cigar
Smoking
Choice
Choose
Choices
Woman
Given
Always

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.
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I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.
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I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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He thinks I look alike!
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You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.
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I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
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Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns
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If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.
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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
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You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
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If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
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If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.
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Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life
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The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?
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To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.
Groucho Marx