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Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Choice
Choose
Choices
Woman
Given
Always
Cigar
Smoking

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All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
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I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy
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Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
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I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
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If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any.
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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed. Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true.
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Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
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As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
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Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water.
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I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.
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Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
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I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
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Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.
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Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks.
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Time flies like an arrow fruit flies like a banana
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Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood
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Time wounds all heels.
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I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
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I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.
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