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Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Encourage
Clubs
Organization
Members
Become
Would
Like
People
Join
More quotes by Groucho Marx
Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself
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I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.
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I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me. What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself? Sure she could. I just found that out too late.
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Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
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Two women at a resort discussed dinner: The food here is lousy, the first noted. You're right! And such small portions!! the second added
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
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I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!
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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
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Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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You're only as young as the woman you feel.
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Women should be obscene, not heard.
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Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
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That's nothing - my alarm clock is set for eight.
Groucho Marx
I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
Groucho Marx
I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.
Groucho Marx
There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.
Groucho Marx