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Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Inspiration
Better
Time
Heifer
Puns
Pun
Cows
None

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.
Groucho Marx
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I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.
Groucho Marx
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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx
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I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
Groucho Marx
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
Groucho Marx
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I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
Groucho Marx
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I hate London when it's not raining.
Groucho Marx
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Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference.
Groucho Marx
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
Groucho Marx
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I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.
Groucho Marx
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If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.
Groucho Marx
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Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.
Groucho Marx
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If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
Groucho Marx
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No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
Groucho Marx
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Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication
Groucho Marx
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Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.
Groucho Marx
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Groucho Marx
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The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You've Got It Made.
Groucho Marx
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Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
Groucho Marx
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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
Groucho Marx