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Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Better
Time
Heifer
Puns
Pun
Cows
None
Inspiration

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Growing old is something you do if you're lucky.
Groucho Marx
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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
Groucho Marx
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There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.
Groucho Marx
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Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
Groucho Marx
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If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.
Groucho Marx
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I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.
Groucho Marx
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I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.
Groucho Marx
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Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.
Groucho Marx
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Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself
Groucho Marx
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He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.
Groucho Marx
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How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?
Groucho Marx
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I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx
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Humor is reason gone mad.
Groucho Marx
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A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.
Groucho Marx
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The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Groucho Marx
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Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference.
Groucho Marx
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My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.
Groucho Marx
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He thinks I look alike!
Groucho Marx
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I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!
Groucho Marx
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Blood's not thicker than money.
Groucho Marx