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I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Inspiration
Understand
Writing
Mail
Havens
Haven
Perhaps

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
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I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.
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The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You've Got It Made.
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Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
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Women should be obscene, not heard.
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I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
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That's nothing - my alarm clock is set for eight.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.
Groucho Marx
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I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
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I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.
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Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life
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A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.
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Now that you're Secretary of War, what kind of an army do you think we ought to have?
Groucho Marx
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A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.
Groucho Marx
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Remember, the grass is always greener where you don't happen to be the neighbor.
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She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.
Groucho Marx
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Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!
Groucho Marx
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If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any.
Groucho Marx
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The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
Groucho Marx