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Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Wales
Whales
Named
Inspiration
Used
Live
Fella
Fellas
Jonah

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If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
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Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.
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How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.
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No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.
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You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?
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Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication
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I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
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Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Groucho Marx
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Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.
Groucho Marx
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How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.
Groucho Marx
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There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!
Groucho Marx
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The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Groucho Marx