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You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Party
Collar
Women
Collars
Beer
Hot
Warm
Cold
Inspiration
Call

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I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
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The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.
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A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
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Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
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Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
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There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.
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One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!
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I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.
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Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills.
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Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.
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Budget: a way of going broke methodically
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I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
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I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
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She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
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Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
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