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You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Party
Collar
Women
Collars
Beer
Hot
Warm
Cold
Inspiration
Call

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When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, I was just whispering in her mouth
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Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.
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I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
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Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
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A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
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Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks.
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Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
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