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You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Call
Party
Collar
Women
Collars
Beer
Hot
Warm
Cold
Inspiration

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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
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Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.
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Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.
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I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.
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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
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The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.
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John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight.
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Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech, and that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself.
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I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove
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How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.
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It isn't so much that hard times are coming the change observed is mostly soft times going.
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Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
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You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way
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Two women at a resort discussed dinner: The food here is lousy, the first noted. You're right! And such small portions!! the second added
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She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
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I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.
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