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Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Wells
Bachelors
Might
Booze
Well
Robbed
Going
Obviously
Married
Marriage
Point
Funny
Bachelor

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What have future generations ever done for us?
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Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.
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A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.
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The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
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Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
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I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me. What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself? Sure she could. I just found that out too late.
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I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
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If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.
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[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.
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I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
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The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?
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If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.
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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.
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The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
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Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills.
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Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket
Groucho Marx