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I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Day
Positivity
Pursuit
Happiness
Happy
Today
Going

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.
Groucho Marx
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx
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I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Groucho Marx
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You're only as young as the woman you feel.
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Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!
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Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself
Groucho Marx
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There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.
Groucho Marx
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Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America. Now he's unknown throughout the world.
Groucho Marx
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How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?
Groucho Marx
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If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.
Groucho Marx
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If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.
Groucho Marx
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Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
Groucho Marx
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Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no one accused him of being honest.
Groucho Marx
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[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.
Groucho Marx
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When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
Groucho Marx
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Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
Groucho Marx
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One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!
Groucho Marx
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If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.
Groucho Marx
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Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks.
Groucho Marx
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Only if the computers really love each other.
Groucho Marx