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If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Eggs
Stupidity
Ham

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.
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I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.
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That's bad luck: three on a midget. From At The Circus
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Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.
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You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.
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Blood's not thicker than money.
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
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She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.
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Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
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To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.
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You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.
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It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Groucho Marx
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Groucho Marx
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That's nothing - my alarm clock is set for eight.
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Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
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Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Groucho Marx
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Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
Groucho Marx
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Two women at a resort discussed dinner: The food here is lousy, the first noted. You're right! And such small portions!! the second added
Groucho Marx
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Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.
Groucho Marx