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If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Ham
Eggs
Stupidity

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Groucho Marx
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Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.
Groucho Marx
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A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
Groucho Marx
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You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?
Groucho Marx
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Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.
Groucho Marx
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I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
Groucho Marx
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If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.
Groucho Marx
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Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.
Groucho Marx
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Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!
Groucho Marx
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Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.
Groucho Marx
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I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Groucho Marx
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A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
Groucho Marx
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Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.
Groucho Marx
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I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.
Groucho Marx
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Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.
Groucho Marx
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It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa
Groucho Marx
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TV is the rat race of the century.
Groucho Marx
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Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses-On second thought, just let me cover your face
Groucho Marx
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Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Groucho Marx
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It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Groucho Marx