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Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Feels
Middle
Morning
Age
Hope
Inspirational
Night
Better
Wake
Feel
Bed
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A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
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Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech, and that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.
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Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
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Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!
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Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
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To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.
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Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket
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Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.
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My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.
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When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
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I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!
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Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you. Firefly replies: Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.
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I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.
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