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Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech, and that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Heard
Razor
Story
Razors
Stories
Reminds
Thought
Feathers
Wells
Ashamed
Well
Dull
Think
Dirty
Thinking
Speech

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.
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Time flies like an arrow fruit flies like a banana
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John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight.
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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
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I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me. What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself? Sure she could. I just found that out too late.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
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To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.
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There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way
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The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.
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A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.
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Chico: Here's the book, it's a dollar Groucho: Here's a ten, and shoot the change. Chico: I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.
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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
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Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.
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You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.
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It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa
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