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Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech, and that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Story
Razors
Stories
Reminds
Thought
Feathers
Wells
Ashamed
Well
Dull
Think
Dirty
Thinking
Speech
Heard
Razor

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.
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A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it
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Patience is the art of finding something else to do.
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Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.
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She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.
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Humor is reason gone mad.
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Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.
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I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip
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There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!
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I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me. What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself? Sure she could. I just found that out too late.
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Love had forged ahead so swiftly that in no time it had displaced agriculture as the leading industry of the period. To anyone who has tried both, this wont come as much of a surprise.
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A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.
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Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication
Groucho Marx
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Groucho Marx
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All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Groucho Marx
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I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Groucho Marx
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He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.
Groucho Marx
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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
Groucho Marx