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Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech, and that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Thinking
Speech
Heard
Razor
Story
Razors
Stories
Reminds
Thought
Feathers
Wells
Ashamed
Well
Dull
Think
Dirty

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America. Now he's unknown throughout the world.
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[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.
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If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.
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Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
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Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.
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One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!
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The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?
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You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.
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To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.
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When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, I was just whispering in her mouth
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Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.
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I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.
Groucho Marx
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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TV is the rat race of the century.
Groucho Marx
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I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.
Groucho Marx
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If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Groucho Marx
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It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa
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The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Groucho Marx