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Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech, and that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Thinking
Speech
Heard
Razor
Story
Razors
Stories
Reminds
Thought
Feathers
Wells
Ashamed
Well
Dull
Think
Dirty

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.
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If it gets any hotter in here I could use a big fan.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while
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If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any.
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There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
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Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no one accused him of being honest.
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There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!
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I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.
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He thinks I look alike!
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Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members.
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You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?
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Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.
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I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.
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Women should be obscene, not heard.
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Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.
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This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.
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I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me. What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself? Sure she could. I just found that out too late.
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I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.
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