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Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech, and that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Thought
Feathers
Wells
Ashamed
Well
Dull
Think
Dirty
Thinking
Speech
Heard
Razor
Story
Razors
Stories
Reminds

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no one accused him of being honest.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
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Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.
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When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
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If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.
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Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.
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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
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Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.
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I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
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A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
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Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns
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My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.
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