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If you were a man, you'd go into business for yourself. I know a fellow who started out last year with just a canoe. Now he's got more women than you can shake a stick at, if that's your idea of a good time.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Idea
Stick
Business
Fellow
Women
Sticks
Ideas
Fellows
Years
Started
Good
Year
Canoe
Men
Lasts
Shake
Time
Last
Shakes

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.
Groucho Marx
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Women should be obscene, not heard.
Groucho Marx
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A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
Groucho Marx
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I hate London when it's not raining.
Groucho Marx
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There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
Groucho Marx
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Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.
Groucho Marx
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To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.
Groucho Marx
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I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.
Groucho Marx
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Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
Groucho Marx
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Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Groucho Marx
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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Groucho Marx
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Time wounds all heels.
Groucho Marx
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I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.
Groucho Marx
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Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.
Groucho Marx
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Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!
Groucho Marx
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Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America. Now he's unknown throughout the world.
Groucho Marx
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Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.
Groucho Marx
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Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy
Groucho Marx
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Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
Groucho Marx
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
Groucho Marx