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If you were a man, you'd go into business for yourself. I know a fellow who started out last year with just a canoe. Now he's got more women than you can shake a stick at, if that's your idea of a good time.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Idea
Stick
Business
Fellow
Women
Sticks
Ideas
Fellows
Years
Started
Good
Year
Canoe
Men
Lasts
Shake
Time
Last
Shakes

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
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A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.
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How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.
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I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing
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Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.
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I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Groucho Marx
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I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.
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I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.
Groucho Marx
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx
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You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way
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My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.
Groucho Marx
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I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me
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Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference.
Groucho Marx
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A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
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Budget: a way of going broke methodically
Groucho Marx
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Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you. Firefly replies: Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.
Groucho Marx
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A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
Groucho Marx
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I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip
Groucho Marx
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This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.
Groucho Marx
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I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.
Groucho Marx