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If you were a man, you'd go into business for yourself. I know a fellow who started out last year with just a canoe. Now he's got more women than you can shake a stick at, if that's your idea of a good time.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Women
Sticks
Ideas
Fellows
Years
Started
Good
Year
Canoe
Men
Lasts
Shake
Time
Last
Shakes
Idea
Stick
Business
Fellow

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.
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Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
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Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?
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Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.
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If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.
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Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.
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You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.
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A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.
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I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.
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He thinks I look alike!
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He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.
Groucho Marx
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If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.
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Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks.
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One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
Groucho Marx
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If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Groucho Marx
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I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove
Groucho Marx
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I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills
Groucho Marx
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Groucho Marx