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Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Notice
Improvement
Outside
Difference
Differences
Wife
Home
Better

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If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.
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I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.
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Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns
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What have future generations ever done for us?
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It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa
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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
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I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
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When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
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A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
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Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.
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Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
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I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.
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You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you.
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No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
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If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
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I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
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I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.
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To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.
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