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Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Notice
Improvement
Outside
Difference
Differences
Wife
Home
Better

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Blood's not thicker than money.
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I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.
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I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy
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Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
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I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.
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I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!
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I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.
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Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you. Firefly replies: Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.
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You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.
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I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books
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It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
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There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
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Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.
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Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no one accused him of being honest.
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When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, I was just whispering in her mouth
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A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.
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I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.
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Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
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She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.
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