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Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Wife
Home
Better
Notice
Improvement
Outside
Difference
Differences

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
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I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.
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Chico: Here's the book, it's a dollar Groucho: Here's a ten, and shoot the change. Chico: I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.
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Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members.
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I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills
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The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.
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Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.
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How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?
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When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
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The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You've Got It Made.
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She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.
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When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, I was just whispering in her mouth
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I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books
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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
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Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman
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Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.
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There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.
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I hate London when it's not raining.
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I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
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Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.
Groucho Marx