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Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Home
Better
Notice
Improvement
Outside
Difference
Differences
Wife

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When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
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Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!
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He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.
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Women should be obscene, not heard.
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The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?
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I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.
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Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills.
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I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
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John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight.
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
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Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
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TV is the rat race of the century.
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How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.
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The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You've Got It Made.
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Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech, and that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself.
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She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.
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I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.
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Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood
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That's bad luck: three on a midget. From At The Circus
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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