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Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Home
Better
Notice
Improvement
Outside
Difference
Differences
Wife

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.
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I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books
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Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.
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I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
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I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
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When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
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The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
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John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight.
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All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
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Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life
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Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.
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If you were a man, you'd go into business for yourself. I know a fellow who started out last year with just a canoe. Now he's got more women than you can shake a stick at, if that's your idea of a good time.
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If it gets any hotter in here I could use a big fan.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
Groucho Marx