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When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Faces
Invites
Woman
Opera
Look
Price
Looks
Dinner
Expect
Pay
Inspiration
Face
Invite

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Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?
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Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.
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Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
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I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
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[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.
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A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.
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If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.
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That's bad luck: three on a midget. From At The Circus
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Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.
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Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?
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Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
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I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.
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If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
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My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
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