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If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Next
Earthquakes
Believe
Settle
Really
Traffic
Settling
Lower
Mess
Clean
Smog
Taxes
Earthquake

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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
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Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.
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Chico: Here's the book, it's a dollar Groucho: Here's a ten, and shoot the change. Chico: I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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I cannot say that I don't disagree with you.
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How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?
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My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
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If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.
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Patience is the art of finding something else to do.
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John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight.
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One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!
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The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
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Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
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What have future generations ever done for us?
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Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove
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Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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