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I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Tape
Measure
Within
Lives
Didn
Going
Thrash
Inch
Inches

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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That's nothing - my alarm clock is set for eight.
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I am a man and you are a woman. I can't think of a better arrangement.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
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Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.
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Chico: Here's the book, it's a dollar Groucho: Here's a ten, and shoot the change. Chico: I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.
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Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses-On second thought, just let me cover your face
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No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.
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Patience is the art of finding something else to do.
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TV is the rat race of the century.
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Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
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Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
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When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, I was just whispering in her mouth
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[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.
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Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
Groucho Marx
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Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech, and that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself.
Groucho Marx
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Blood's not thicker than money.
Groucho Marx