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I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Inches
Tape
Measure
Within
Lives
Didn
Going
Thrash
Inch

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.
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Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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He thinks I look alike!
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I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books
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You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way
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Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.
Groucho Marx
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And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
Groucho Marx
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If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.
Groucho Marx
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Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you. Firefly replies: Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.
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Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.
Groucho Marx
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That's bad luck: three on a midget. From At The Circus
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Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood
Groucho Marx
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Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.
Groucho Marx
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Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
Groucho Marx
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I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.
Groucho Marx
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I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
Groucho Marx
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx
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I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
Groucho Marx
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed. Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true.
Groucho Marx