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Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Successful
Making
Love
Like
Ducks
Shooting
Sitting
Wife
More quotes by Groucho Marx
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
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Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life
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I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.
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A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
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If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.
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When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
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I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me. What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself? Sure she could. I just found that out too late.
Groucho Marx
That's nothing - my alarm clock is set for eight.
Groucho Marx
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.
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I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Groucho Marx
There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
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I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
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Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
Groucho Marx
Two women at a resort discussed dinner: The food here is lousy, the first noted. You're right! And such small portions!! the second added
Groucho Marx
Time flies like an arrow fruit flies like a banana
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Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills.
Groucho Marx
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Groucho Marx
Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.
Groucho Marx
You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you.
Groucho Marx