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Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Much
Showing
Way
Ties
Humor
Guy
Funny
Father
Today
Giving
Regular

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As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
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I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.
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I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
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I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.
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Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
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There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.
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I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
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If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.
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I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
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I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip
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Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.
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When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.
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I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
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A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
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The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
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I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.
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Patience is the art of finding something else to do.
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