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He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Mouth
Mouths
Drinking
Inspiration
Full
Wick
Days
Lighted
Three
Burn
Alcohol
More quotes by Groucho Marx
Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.
Groucho Marx
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Growing old is something you do if you're lucky.
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There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
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John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight.
Groucho Marx
You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.
Groucho Marx
Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you. Firefly replies: Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more.
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The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.
Groucho Marx
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
Groucho Marx
Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.
Groucho Marx
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Groucho Marx
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
Groucho Marx
And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
Groucho Marx
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
Groucho Marx
Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.
Groucho Marx
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.
Groucho Marx
Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.
Groucho Marx
If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.
Groucho Marx
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho Marx
The only real laughter comes from despair.
Groucho Marx
