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He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.
Groucho Marx
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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Drinking
Inspiration
Full
Wick
Days
Lighted
Three
Burn
Alcohol
Mouth
Mouths
More quotes by Groucho Marx
If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.
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I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.
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I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
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Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
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I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.
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Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.
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Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
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Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference.
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A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.
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Two women at a resort discussed dinner: The food here is lousy, the first noted. You're right! And such small portions!! the second added
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Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no one accused him of being honest.
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Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
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The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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