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There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!

Groucho Marx

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Groucho Marx
Age: 86 †
Born: 1890
Born: October 2
Died: 1977
Died: August 19
Comedian
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Manhattan borough
New York City
Julius Henry Marx
Julius Marx
Work
Retired
Always
Retiring
Retirement
Quit
Quitting
Age
Wanted
Thing
Retire

More quotes by Groucho Marx

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I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
Groucho Marx
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Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.
Groucho Marx
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Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life
Groucho Marx
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One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!
Groucho Marx
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Groucho Marx
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He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.
Groucho Marx
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Love had forged ahead so swiftly that in no time it had displaced agriculture as the leading industry of the period. To anyone who has tried both, this wont come as much of a surprise.
Groucho Marx
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Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.
Groucho Marx
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Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy
Groucho Marx
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There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
Groucho Marx
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Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket
Groucho Marx
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx
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All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Groucho Marx
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Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
Groucho Marx
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My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.
Groucho Marx
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When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, I was just whispering in her mouth
Groucho Marx
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I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip
Groucho Marx
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
Groucho Marx
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She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.
Groucho Marx
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Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.
Groucho Marx